Being Held

I have often wondered if I needed to combine my websites, because there seems to me much that crosses over.  Yet, having them separate helps me compartmentalize my lists of things to do.

This post I just put on my prayer bedes website was one I had a hard time deciding where it should go.  It does have to do with mindfulness, but it has to do with prayer beads too.  My resolution was that I would just put the same post on both websites, so here it is.

A couple of weeks ago I was listening to a podcast on the Greater Good Magazine.  Krista Tippet, creator of the On Being show on NPR, is one of the guest speakers on the podcast.  The podcast is titled Krista Tippet on Being Grounded in Your Body.  In it she describes her experience with the body scan meditation.

The body scan meditation is something I learned many years ago in therapy, but had forgotten about.  Yes, I still struggle at times with panic attacks, but lately my frustration has been with not being able to fall to sleep at night.  Amazingly, going through my body and focusing on relaxing each part from toe to head has actually been working!

One of the things that stood out to me when Krista describes her experience is this:

You feel heavy but it is not like feeling held down.
It is like being held.

What a wonderful explanation.  I might add that some might resist that heavy feeling like they are falling down too.  But the description of being held is perfect!

I have always thought of getting one of these parachute fabric hammocks and my order arrived in the mail today.  When you lay in one, that is exactly what you feel like--being held.  I think I have found a new prayer space this summer.  Even when I am not laying there, I can remember that feeling of being held.  There is a letting go and a trust involved in that too.  There are many times I need to let God hold me, and need a reminder to do so!

As with any meditation practice, the key is practice.  Just as with prayer, practice is important for communication with God as well.  (Though I am uncertain if I even want to draw a line between prayer and mediation as I consider mediation a form of prayer when that is the intent.)

Besides the hammock that came in the mail from Amazon today, I also received a new book titled Bead by Bead by Suzanne Henley that my friend, Kristen Olsen Vincent of Prayerworks Studio, brought to my attention.  In the back of the book, my prayer bedes website is listed as a source.  I am humbled and honored!

This too shall pass...eventually

This is Spring in Minnesota today.  Hail, ice, and snow--lots of snow.  It is reminding me of one of the hardest things about panic attacks.  You know that the feelings will pass, but when you are in the midst of a full blown panic attack, seconds seem like hours.  The strange thing is that the more you try to push those feelings away, the worse they get. 

Most of us here in Minnesota are really sick of this winter weather.  Yes, we are crabby.  But, that will not make it go away.  We cannot control the weather. 

I have decided it is okay to be crabby today.  It is okay to feel whatever I feel.  With that, however, I can still go about my day.  The weather will not stop me from breathing and living.  Maybe today will be a practice in mindfulness.  I can be here right now and just feel everything I feel and not judge it.  Yes, it is "uncomfortable".  I would rather be out in the yard getting ready for warmer weather ahead.

But, I do know that this will pass...eventually.

Giving Ourselves a Soft Place to Land

Colorful Textile Mindfulness Reminder Necklace

Yesterday, I tried something new and different adding a some color.  As I created this necklace, these are a few thoughts that streamed through my mind:

• What does it mean to offer ourselves a soft place to land?
• What does it mean to accept all our thoughts and feelings--the good, the bad, the easy, the hard, the right, the wrong?
• Do we even need to label them or judge them?
• By giving our thoughts and feelings a soft place to land, will they never go away?
• Is giving our thoughts and feelings a soft place to land in a way a metaphor for acceptance?
• We don't cling to them or shoo them away.  We just let them be there.

I wrapped the metal rings with embroidery floss to make this necklace.  It is much more colorful.  I notice that when I give myself to the present moment, I notice things I would not notice otherwise.  Sometimes, what I notice more is color--the different greens in a leaf, the pink of a blooming gerber daisy, or the turquoise of an ocean bay.  Yes, all these are a soft place to land.

May you all find your own soft place to land.

Mindfulness and the Woodpecker

I saw this video the other day on Facebook, but it was not until today that I really thought more about it.  It is quite an amazing thing to see--a woodpecker hanging on to the side of a car window while the driver drives through Chicago on his way to work.

We have many woodpeckers in our yard.  They can be very annoying.  We even have holes in our house to prove they have been there.  On more than one occasion I have stuck my head out the window to attempt to frighten them away as they hammer their little beaks into the siding of our house.  They are very bold, and sometimes just keep hammering away even when I am only three or four feet away trying to shoo them away.

Yet, they are quite a beautiful bird too.  I see the large pileated woodpeckers hammering away at the trees in our woods. The funny thing is that it is not the large woodpeckers that seem so bold and peck on the side of our house, but the smaller ones.

When I first watched this video, it was mesmerizing to see how long that little woodpecker hung on to the car's open window.  I thought the wind would cause him to fly away.  Then the bird decided to fly into the car.  That is where I became a little concerned.  I pictured the bird flying around, feathers flying, and pooping everywhere because it was so scared.  But no.  The bird just hopped around on the driver's shoulders and chest, seemingly without a care in the world.  That little woodpecker was not annoying but quite amazing.  It is also very sweet the way the driver responded to the situation. 

So back to today and recollecting that video.  I could not help but think about how much those woodpeckers are like my panic during a panic attack.   I have a good imagination, which when I am having a panic attack is not a good thing.  Maybe I can imagine those little woodpeckers next time I have a panic attack, or for that matter any annoying thoughts and feelings that arise.  How might I treat those feelings differently if I thought of them as woodpeckers?  What if I treated them like the driver treated the little woodpecker that rode with him through the streets of Chicago?

Here is that video of the woodpecker in the car window.  I found it on YouTube.  I bet this guy filming the event never thought it would be something that helped someone else deal with panic attacks.  I must insert a smiley face here.  :)